Does anyone else get flashbacks? Does anyone else get dreams or nightmares that feel so real, it feels like you are going through it all over again? Has anyone else woken up in the middle of the night or forced yourself out of a daydream because you just can’t take what you are seeing or dreaming?? Or is that just me??

It is the weirdest and oddest feeling. I don’t know if it’s because we are sooooo close to the end of all of this or what, but I am getting more and more flashbacks. I am waking up from these ridiculous dreams. I am having these dreams, or nightmares, most nights in the week. I wake up around the same time every night. I often wake up already crying, or I start crying as I awaken. But most times I am waking up praying. As if me in my dream was already praying and then my mind prayed itself to be over. I prayed for it to not be happening and I prayed myself awake.

Triggers…. I knew I had triggers. I was doing very well at avoiding them or removing myself from situations that I know would trigger my anger or fear or upset. I have come to know what I can and can not take. I have recognized the coming of my anxiety and have learned to deter myself from whatever was to come. At least I like to think I do. I like to think that I can “control” my emotions and feelings. But sometimes I just can’t. Sometimes when I am bored and roam around on social media, Facebook specifically, I see something or read something and I either get mad or jealous or envious. And not all of it is because of friends. Sometimes it irritates me that other non-profit organizations are doing so well. I have tried with Made For A Miracle. And in the end, I am doing it all by myself. And I just can’t anymore. So… I’m not.

I am just going to slow down and back away and try to deal with everything one at a time. That’s the only way I can deal with everything. One at a time.