I am sitting here on a Sunday afternoon trying to write. And what’s going through my mind is just a bunch of memories. The flashbacks come and go. And today they are strong. I think because I am trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for the first day of school. My twins, my babies, are going off to kindergarten. This will be the last ‘first day of kinder’ for our family.

But as I flashback to these memories, they play in my mind like a movie. And the movie was shot in a first person view. It was my view. It was my movie.

I can remember the nurses in my face. Coming up to me, talking to me. As if looking in the camera. I was watching everything unfold in that hospital room right in front of me. Except I didn’t feel anything or have any emotions. I was just watching…  It is a weird sensation. To go through the motions but not the e-motions. But now that I think of it, that was pretty much how most of this journey has been. Just going through motions to get through it.