This other Sunday, my Pastor, Pastor Tony Williams of Love of Christ Community Church, preached about how life is a marathon and we need to finish what we started. He said we can’t be bystanders in life. We have to get into the fight. We already have the victory!! So let’s live IN it. We are, right now, in the middle of this mess because we are about to embark on something amazing. Finish the race!

The whole preaching really hit home for me. The Lord knows how to make me hear His message. He knows when I need to hear something. And this message was for me to hear.

I feel like my life has been a marathon. I have been running and fighting the whole way. It felt like the first 8 months I was sprinting that first lap. You want to start off strong and fast and just GO!! You want to hurry up and gain a lead. Establish yourself for the rest of the marathon. It felt like the Lord was pushing me the whole time. And I just wanted to hurry up and get through it.

Once you establish yourself with a good lead, you then start to pace yourself. You start to check your time, check your pulse and get your mind ready for this long marathon. I felt like I was good and ready for this marathon. I thought I could just get through it and survive.

But just as I was establishing and pacing myself, I started getting a little out of breath. I was slowing down. My muscles began to tighten up. My bones began to ache. My mind began to doubt. I knew I had to keep my eyes on the prize but I began to wonder if I could ever reach this prize or if the prize was even for me. I began to wonder if I would be able to get this prize… if I was good enough.

I started getting really tired. It felt as if this marathon had gotten hundreds of miles longer and the hills got higher and the valleys got lower. And it got to the point of ‘running in a marathon’ to just trying to keep going. This marathon turned into a fight to survive. I was no longer running, or pacing, or living. I was just surviving. And then at one point it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t open my lungs wide enough to take a deep breath. And when you can’t breathe, you get dizzy. Your brain suffers from lack of oxygen and you suddenly feel so discombobulated, your head is spinning and you can barely stand still. Your whole world is so unbalanced and you feel so out of control.

How can u get back to normal? How are your going to get through this? Where is God in all of this? How can He let me suffer like this?? When is this going to be over??

This was where I was at in MY marathon. I was tired. I was really really tired. And I was so over all of this. I just wanted my life back. Matthew was stable. The other kids were all in school again. So I had a lot of time to just think about life and the choices I have had to make. And all I kept thinking was, ‘when is this going to be over?’

After hearing my Pastor preach about this marathon, I have come to the understanding that I just have to keep going. I can’t put a time limit on God. I can’t!! This life that I am living is a marathon. And I just have to keep trusting and keep going. I have to keep surviving and keep pushing through the tiredness. I have to keep moving and persevering. I am at the end part of this marathon. I am almost done. I can feel it. I can see the finish line in all of this. The Lord didn’t bring me this far just to quit and get me this far. I have to get to the end. I have to finish this race!!!!

xo