I started this post about 2 or 3 wks ago when I was really sick. I had a really bad head cold, cough, bronchitis… it was nasty. And I was feeling really crappy about my life. I needed help with taking care of this kids but I literally had no one to help me. No one to take them to school, no one to pick them up, no one to take care of the twins so I can take some meds and pass out from my fever and good dose of meds that make me sleepy. Rest. My body needed some rest, and I wasn’t able to get any.

I hated that as soon as I picked up my high school kids, they became mommy for the rest of the evening. I fed them drive thru for 3 nights in a row. The last two nights they fed themselves cereal and frozen waffles. I just had no strength.

So… who takes care of mommy?? On days like these where mommy is ridiculously sick, who lets her sleep? Who makes her soup and puts a cool towel on her head to relieve the fever? Who wakes up early and gets the kids ready for school? Who takes care of the babies during the day? Who makes the ridiculous drive to pick up kids at each of their schools through stupid parent pickup lines??

Who takes care of mommy??

Now that I am over this horrendous cold, my son is now sick. I got the cold from my 8yr old, then her and I passed it on to everyone else. Including my baby boy who is 8 months post kidney transplant. So now I am tending to him and trying to keep him out of the hospital while STILL taking and picking up kids from school, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. I am literally going crazy because I am doing all of this on my own with no help. It’s hard.

Life is hard.

Life is lonely.

#Momlife .. I didn’t sign up to be a single parent. I didn’t sign up to be a special needs mom. I didn’t sign up to struggle so much. So why does God keep giving me more than I can handle?? And when I “give it to God” … why don’t things change? It often feels like I am just surviving. I’m not living or :getting thru it”. I’m surviving.

I saw a post the other day that another mom shared in our support group. And said, “I’m at a point now where I don’t give a damn about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to get out of this f***ing tunnel!!”

SAME MAMA. SAME!!!! I’m so over it. I’m so over struggling. I’m so over crying. I’m so over my life being so hard. I’m over being lonely. I’m over depending on people that only hold it over my head or just want to take advantage of me.

I can’t help but ask…. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO GOD?!?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!

*deep breath*

So who takes care of mommy?

** Thanks for letting me vent. This was just something I have been feeling. Motherhood can be such a lonely place. A painful place. Share a comment of how YOU take care of yourself. I can definitely use some encouragement today. Thanks. God Bless….