A year ago I wrote a post about Matthew’s dialysis catheter. The anchor to the catheter detached itself and it NOTHING was holding his catheter in. Nothing but tape. TAPE!! TAPE was all that was holding in a catheter that was inside the arterial vein leading to my sons heard. It was a tough very time.

And it seems that every year, during this time, is ALWAYS a tough time. The two years before that he had RSV and pneumonia. In 2015, we almost lost him from it. Around this time I tend to run and hide in my hole until God extends His hand for me to step out. And I’m so tired of hiding.

We got some crazy news on Friday about Matthew. I don’t want to give that info life… so please just pray that Matthew stays strong!! Pray Matthew stays whole. Pray Matthew stays well. We go back for more testing on Wednesday. more labs, more pokes. more ultrasounds, more medications… this roller coaster was supposed to be OVER!! I am slowly learning that… this will never end. I was warned from the beginning that a transplant is NOT A CURE. There is NO CURE!!!

I just wish for PEACE. Like when you’re in a pool, floating, your body just swaying with the water. Your ears are under the water so there is complete silence. You watch the clouds slowly move across the sky. You are so relaxed and you’re just……. there. Has anyone ever had that kind of peace??? Does it exist??