The worry…. the wonder…. the questions… does it ever end??

I remember writing about this about a year ago. About when will this end?? If it will ever end?? And here we are now, a year after THAT, still wondering the same thing. It is kind of ironic. I mean, I don’t think I will ever stop worrying or wondering. I don’t that will ever go away for me. Even after Matthew gets his transplant.There will ALWAYS be worry.

There is a little boy right now, fighting for his life. He received a kidney transplant almost one year ago. He was also sick since he was an infant with kidney disease. He was on dialysis for a little more than two years. He then received his kidney. And after his transplant, he has had somewhat of a normal life. He was healthy, he was peeing, he was being the kid he deserves to be. He was having the fun every kid deserves to have.

And then last night… out of the blue… he got fever, vomiting, pain all over… why? how? he has an infection and possibly sepsis… he is deteriorating right before his mother’s eyes. I can not imagine the fear and worry his mother must be feeling!!  One day he was a happy and healthy little boy… and now he is facing death!!

The scary thing is that this could my son one day. This can be your son one day. It can be anyone’s son. We will never ever know what God’s plan is. We may never even ever be prepared for it. We may never be prepared for anything. Because we don’t know what God’s plan is.

All I can do as a mother is keep praying. Keep trusting God. Keep having faith that everything is going to work out because everything always ends up the way God had intended it to be. I choose to not fight it and just let go. Let God handle all the hard stuff. I just pray for comfort and peace to get me through it.

Right now I just received word from a good friend of mine whose son has kidney disease too. Her son is also on dialysis. He is, at this moment, also fighting for his life. I don’t know what is going on in the kidney world… but I pray the Lord heals them soon. I can’t help but feel so sad and upset for them. That they have to go through this.

And then I think about Matthew… how that could be me… that could be my son. My heart hurts and cries out to God for them.

In Jesus Name… healing, Peace and Comfort

xo